What makes a man?

Being born male is only the bottom rung of a tall ladder of growth that must be climbed before maturing into manhood

Oct 19, 2021

For the past two months, my girlfriend has been lovingly guiding me beyond my maleness and helping me exponentially evolve through my residual boyish tendencies.

Many guys remain male but never become a man in the truest sense. Facing this truth as being self-evident has been the most difficult piece of shadow work with which I’ve been forced to work over the past year.

When I turned 13 and had my Bar Mitzvah (a tradition within the Jewish faith to which I no longer subscribe), I was told the rite of passage meant I was officially a man. Ha.

Then when I turned 18 and went to college, I felt a new sense of manhood. Same when I lost my v-card two years later, when I got my first internship, and then when I landed my first full-time job.

But as with most men, I was blinded by my own adolescent unconsciousness — I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

As men, individual experiences may well shape who we’re becoming but they don’t ‘make us a man.’

Men are made through the accumulation of experience and the willingness to reflect, transmute, alchemize, grow, mature, and evolve through the unexpected lemons life hands them.

In each of my past intimate relationships leading up until now, I learned much about myself, energy exchange, and what I desired in a female… but I’m only now realizing I never focused on — or even tried to — show up fully as a man.

The awful truth: I didn’t have to.

I didn’t even know what it meant to provide strong masculine energy in relationship.

I assumed my time, natural energy, and the ability to mostly satisfy someone emotionally, physically and mentally was all it took… but I always kept things on my terms.

Until I woke up. And until now.

My soulmate has pushed me, provoked me, and prompted me to begin deep self-reflection on how a strong divine masculine shows up in relationship — calling me out and making me instantly aware of any and all slipups or momentary energetic lapses I contribute to.

My ego fucking hates it. But my soul adores it.

Two of the best quick reads I’ve absorbed on awakened masculinity are David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man and Kent Nerburn’s Letters to my Son. I’ve read both a couple times nodding in agreement to every word, mentally checking off the things I felt like I instinctively knew and had or would master with ease.

Nope.

Actuality is different than theory and real-life is different than reading.

A real conscious queen will push her man to his depths, as Kornelia is doing for me. She’s showing me where I still have work to do by reflecting it either directly or indirectly, overtly or under-the-radar. She’s guiding me to address pieces of myself I didn’t know existed and which I’m fearful to face — things ingrained in my beliefs and behavior towards my woman and about myself.

In so doing, I literally feel old walls I created as a boy being ripped down. Outside is this strong awakened man who’s been waiting to emerge and take charge.

This fire-bearing, love-wielding king who I’ve always felt I was (or had within me) is staking his claim and taking the place of the old me… who, honestly, was stuck in some irresponsible, even selfish ways due to self conditioning, parental programming and old relational trauma.

So, back to my original question. What makes a man? Better yet, a conscious divine king?

A king owns his life — his emotions, finances, decisions, words, actions and all else — instead of being owned by anything. He infinitely absorbs and ejects strong, resilient love through all he touches. He has achieved inner-alchemy. His mastery over his maleness means he does not react or become distracted by temptation; he consistently serves the world with passionate purpose. He is in full command over his entire sphere — his relationships, job(s), businesses and personal development.

He loves with resolve, with devotion. He stands strong when all others are weak, even despite or through his own tears. He demonstrates resilience even when he feels weak. He holds his lady strong even after a disagreement because he knows her heart longs for his masculine touch despite the distance.

He knows when, where and how to speak up and state his demands or his needs. He has the nads to artfully do so without insulting or causing damage. He always seeks resolution.

He assumes all accountability for his energy and always takes responsibility for anything he makes an imprint on.

But his energy towards all of these, ferocious as it is, takes a back seat to his devotion to his life mission which always comes first.

A divine king is a man on a mission — a mission to spread all the knowledge, love, and goodness to the world he possibly can. That man is undefeatable; that man is lovable.

A male is born a cub. A man builds himself into a loving lion, bred by life and life’s resistance to his roar.

The road toward self-realization, toward actualization, is a lifelong endeavor. As fragments of divine masculine energy, it’s our life’s journey — our task as men — to carve, dig, and hammer inward toward our hearts. A true man orchestrates his life with intention and without ego interference, from the heart — respecting, creating, learning and loving through all he does.◾